Saturday, May 20, 2006

10 Sure-Fire Money-Making Booths I'd Like to See at a Street Fair

I stopped by the Orange Blossom Fair on my way home from my Saturday gig because,in part, a student of mine had some paintings hanging at one of the art booths. I didn't see him, but I saw his two paintings. One was a man standing under a moon and a cactus standing under the sun. The other was a thing with a tribal mask and a sideways Kabuki and/or Elvis face hovering over a city-scape, also sideways.

I don't know art.

I also thought I'd get myself a big floppy hat for summertime at this booth Do told me about.

I also thought that I'd check out the fair, since I've never gone.

So I walked around and found the hat place fairly quickly. $20 bucks and full head coverage for those hot, sunny days of summer. It ain't attractive, but it covers my head. Liked it so much I got one for Mom when we take her out in the sun, which doesn't happen often, but it happens.

Soon, I located the booth where Spicoli, my student, said he would be with his art. Before checking the art, I decided to get something to eat.

There was typical fair fare: funnel cakes, corn-on-the-cob, falafels, various types of phallic organ meats.

There was a beer garden of sorts with several micro-breweries on display. I don't drink anymore, but I checked it out for the food possibilities. As I entered, I witnessed one of the many reasons why beer at a public function is a bad idea. This drunken kid and his drunken girlfriend were arguing with this poor rent-a-cop about why they couldn't take their 3/4's full cups of beer with them out onto the main thoroughfare. There were signs going in and signs going out that mentioned that all beer had to stay within the boundaries, and everyone else seemed to understand that, but this guy kept asking the same belligerent questions: "Don't they sell beer in other booths? What's the big deal?"

The big deal is that assholes like this guy should be kept in as confined a space as possible so fewer people have to deal with him.

I stopped by a kabob stand after studying what was being served. I ordered a kabob and was surprised to see that I got just that-a kabob and nothing else. I had to ask for a fork and a napkin. No knives. No side-dishes. No water.

It was a delicious, chicken-flavored charcoal kabob. The problem with most street faire food is that it sounds like a good idea until you bite into it. I wish there were a natural law that said that, when you eat street faire food and find it less tasty, its calories or cholesterol don't count.

Anyway, my top ten ideas for street fair booths that would be sure to make money:

1. A ukulele clinic. I saw a guitar and drum clinic, but there were few people there learning about the guitar or drum because, on a hot, sunny day, they're to hefty to carry around at a large street fair. I think ukuleles would be a better draw. They are small, unthreatening, easy to carry and you could have a kid playing one in no time.

2. A napkin booth. Most Faire food is sloppy food. The kabob I had was smothered in barbecue sauce to accentuate the delightful charcoal flavor. The two napkins I had were gone before I had finished half the kabob. You could charge $5 bucks for a set of six napkins.

3. A food exchange for people who begin to eat their food from another booth and immediately regret buying it. They might be willing to trade theirs in for someone else's mistake.

4. A vomitorium booth for people who eat bad street food. You could use ostrich feathers. In fact you could raise ostriches just for this pupose. After every visit to the vomitorium booth, the guest would once again have an empty stomache ready for the next (hopefully) tastey morsel. Emu feathers for the little'uns.

5. An Ostrich Burger booth for next year if the vomitorium doesn't take off as well as expected.

6. A drunk dunk tank for dealing with obnoxious drunks who don't know how to behave in public. When a person gets drunk, the rent-a-cops could just handcuff them and take them to the drunk dunk tank. This would be the same as a regular drunk tank, except the drunk would be handcuffed and helpless to swim around in the tank. You could have someone recue them before they drowned, if you wanted to.

7. A shade booth.

8. An atheist booth to hand out literature about our isloation in the universe.

9. An agnostic booth.

Every booth with any religious affiliation would have to be placed between an atheist and an agnostic booth. Hey, why should they have it so easy?

10. A panpipe smashing booth. These guys were entertaining when they first start popping up at these faires. But, hey, I've had enough. Give it a rest.

I still like bagpipes, though.

7 comments:

vivage said...

Brave of you to brave the festival. We haven't gone for many years. I think baby boy Canary was maybe 3 the last time we went. I know baby girl Canary was in a stroller. Which I conveniently used as a weapon when necessary.

A vomitorium might bring us back. Not to particpate but to laugh and point at.

Donita Curioso said...

We were there today at the micro brewery stage where the Klones played. We ate at Gran's barbeque place. The candied yams were killer good. NOT for the diabetically challenged.

Jim and I bought a couple of those hats. You're right about their lack of attractiveness but they do keep the sun off and they had Jim's size. I got one with a big brim, like a sun bonnet. I think it ages me 10 years but I don't care. It's portable shade.

I didn't explore the rest of the festival. Maybe next year. I wish they'd do something about the parking. They could let people park on one side of the surrounding streets and let the residents have the other side.

Billy Canary said...

I'd bet big $$$ they don't have it next year. Or any year. If they do, I think it will be heavily transmorgafied into something more civil. Or it will be renamed the McMansion Festival in order to properly celebrate the replacement of all things related to the citrus industry by those overpriced stooopid houses which seem to have been purchased only by morons from Orange County.

Brother Atom Bomb of Reflection said...

How about the Smog Festival. Seriously, I have been to similar festivals in larger cities (like chicago, for example). Somehow, they keep it civil. Maybe they should stamp a person's forehead every time he or she gets a beer. If you have three stamps on your forehead, no more beer for you.

Donita Curioso said...

I came up with a similar idea. Smog Appreciation Day.

I thought the way they did it was reasonable. Have all the alcohol in one area, give 'em a band and some food and let them enjoy the rest of the festival without a beer in hand. There will always be drunken idiots to deal with. They could try to make it an alcohol free event. I think it would be better to just find a way to make it better and deal with the occasional drunk.

Jim said that Stater Bros pulled their funds which is why the whole thing wasn't as good as it's been in the past. So yeah, Bill, you may be right.

Billy Canary said...

I like Smog Appreciation Days. "Are your lungs half full or half empty?" They could have Wheezer play on the mainstage. An oxygen bar would be a huge hit.
Or maybe "Drunken Moron Fun in the Sun Days"?

Howlin' Hobbit said...

I don't drink anymore either.

I don't drink any less...

HH