1. Strum like your hand is on fire.
2. Shuck and Jive like you know what you're doing.
3. If you get lost, keep on shucking, but hold back on jiving.
4. If you are playing with someone else and you get lost, hold back on shucking, but increase jiving.
5. If another musician asks you to play with him/her, don't make crude jokes about the phrase "play with," unless you are pretty sure it will get you somewhere.
6. If you are playing with a superior musician and get lost, stop and look at him or her as if it's his or her problem.
7. If everything seems to be going very well, bob and weave.
8. Always carry another instrument. Learn to play it later.
9. Keep introductions short and stage patter brief, unless the audience is laughing for the right reasons.
10. Be sure to compliment all attractive members of the opposite sex on their performance, but don't stand and wait for a return compliment longer than 15 seconds.
11. If, after said compliment, the receiver of said compliment turns his or her back to you, don't continue standing and waiting for a compliment and don't follow him or her.
12. Only certain heavy metal tunes sound really good on the ukulele.
3 comments:
13. Wear cool shoes.
14. Stay away from percussionists named Dave.
15. Stay away from ANYONE named Gary.
16. Bring a sweat towel.
17. Don't sing Janis Joplin songs unless you can really, really do them well.
18. Bring ear plugs for the kids.
19. Dress like you care.
20. Help haul in and haul out even if you're just the singer. Not a performance tip, really. I just think everyone should help carry all that shit. It fosters good will among band members.
#10 Fifteen seconds is way too long.
Check yer zipper.
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