Friday, April 01, 2005

Another Reason to Ignore Astrology

I actually did some research for this entry. I was looking through the list of ukulele players and noticing how many were Pisces, like me. Then began to notice how many were water signs. I was impressed, at first, with our numbers and thought that I would reflect on this and solicit comments from my six devoted readers. I had this grand thesis about Portugal, the first ukulele-ish instruments traveling across the ocean, Hawaii being an island, that Iz CD cover where he's floating blissfully in a swimming pool, etc.

But, to make sure that I had my facts right, I did a Google search on water signs and found out that I was wrong.

I thought that Pisces, Cancer, Sagittarius, Aquarius, and Scorpio were all water signs. Since there are only twelve signs, I guess I should have figured.

But imagine my shock that Sagittarius and Aquarius were not water signs. I mean, they both have fish tails, for God's sake. And the Aquarius guy is even depicted as pouring water out of a jug. And he's called the Water Bearer. And his name begins with AQUA.

So, it's just Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces. Water signs do not hold a majority in the ukulele world, as far as I can tell.

A website I went to in my research mentioned that Cancer was liquid, Scorpio was solid (presumably ice), and Pisces was gas.

Which would explain some digestive problems I've been having of late.

One thing I learned is that my two fishes swim in different directions simultaneously: towards enlightenment and towards carnality, or the sacred and the profane, depending on which reading you look at.

Many friends who know about this stuff tell me that I am a true Pisces. I don't know. I admit I tend to swell with pride about the things that I like about Pisces-that I think fit. But, ironically, my interest in Astrology is pretty shallow.

Now, in China, I'd be a Horse. Which explains why I Tivo'ed all of those Mr. Ed re-runs on Nick at Nite.

8 comments:

Donita Curioso said...

WTF? Jeff, you've gone off the deep end. (That's a water joke.)

Astrology is a bit of a touchy subject. We have an ex friend who was really into it. He used it as a tool for manipulation and control, like he had "special knowledge". He'd say things like, "Well, the reason you wash the dishes like that is you're a Libra." He did the same thing to Jim and the girls. We have since parted ways.

So now, when someone tries to convince me of the validity of astrology I have zero patience.

I always wished I had a cooler looking sign. You got the neato yin/yang fishies. I got fookin' scales. SCALES! Like I need to be reminded of THAT. It's the only sign represented by an inanimate object.

My Chinese sign is better. I was born in the year of the monkey. Some charts also include the elements so, I'm a FIRE MONKEY. Now, there's a cool sign.

Ok, fish boy, what makes you a true Pisces?

Donita Curioso said...

http://www.index.force9.co.uk/mayflower/zodiac.htm

I looked you up here. Wood is your elemental characteristic. You're a wood horse.

vivage said...

Heh, I'm an Aquarius, the water bearer, an air sign. Ya gotta wonder if Aquarius bear all those water signs?

Here's a cool site where you can get really detailed charts for free: http://www.astro.com/

What I love about this site is the name, check out the logo up at the top right of the page.

vivage said...

Hey, went to the site Donita posted and here's what it says: You where born under the animal sign
Rooster
Your elemental ('Chi'Characteristic) is Fire

Which means I'm a Rooster Water Bearer carrying a bucket of water along with my bucket of fire.

That must mean I run hot and cold. Bwhahahaha.

Brother Atom Bomb of Reflection said...

As with the Greek Zodiac, the Chinese Zodiac is taken from Chinese mythology. The Monkey character is a Chinese trickster King who challenges the Jade Emporer, Lao Tsu, Confuscius, and Buddha. When the Buddha gets ahold of him, he challenges Monkey to a contest, where the Monkey has to jump from the palm of buddha's hand to his fingers. The Monkey takes the challenge and, when he jumps, lands in front of five tall pillars. He takes a piss on one of the pillars, when he hears the Buddha's loud voice scolding him. He is indeed still in the Buddha's hand, the Buddha having grown to a gigantic size, and the five pillars are Buddha's fingers, which become stone and then a hollow mountain, in which Monkey is trapped for four thousand years, until a pilgrim comes and frees him, after which they both go to India to retrieve the Buddhist scriptures and bring them to China. Along the way, they meet and draft a pig-like monster(who in a previous life was a heavenly general), a horse (once a dragon), and a sand monster (also formerly a heavenly being), all of whom sinned greatly in their previous lives.

An earlier story has the army of heaven throw monkey into a fire. Since he is made of stone, monkey does not burn. Instead, the fire enters his eyes and, from then on, Monkey's eyes glow a bright red, which grows more red when he gets angry.

Donita Curioso said...

Whoa.

I'll have to sit with this one for a while. I mean, receiving this kind of information is a life altering event. I'm going to have to go into seclusion for a while and then go on a retreat. Then I think I'll take a pilgrimage and then go on a quest. I'll let you know when I get back.

Jim said...

A while back, Doni's new stepmother-du-jour, upon meeting me for the first time, said "What is your sign?" to which I answered "Scorpio". She replied, "That explains it." Bitch...

Although I'm sure some folks derive fun and benefit from astrology, it can, even unconsciously, be wielded as a tool of manipulation. Doni and I have seen this happen a couple of times. Special knowledge, and all. People are funny.

Jim said...

Whoops, that should have been stepGRANDmother-du-jour.